When does the whistling and whooping by males become welcome? Is it a confirmation that we still got “it?”

While walking down the streets of Harlem on my way to a friend’s house, I bypassed a gaggle of guys who were whooping and whistling at female passers-by. Normally, bypassing these guys is a source of trepidation for me, invariably resulting in me crossing the street to avoid the onslaught of obscene remarks.

As I crossed their paths, the predictable ensued: “hey baby, let me holla at you…..can I lick it”

While walking and ignoring the men at the same time, I noticed a middle-aged woman also bypassing the street posse. The middle-aged woman jokingly flirted back with a smile plastered across her face the entire time. At this particular moment, it dawned on me that she viewed the remarks from the men as a source of triumph rather than trepidation. It confirmed for her that she still had “it.” From a cursory glance, she appeared to be about 43 years old, and it immediately led my thoughts to my friend Valerie.

I have always been an old soul and hung around people much older than myself. My friend Valerie is older than me by at least a decade, so I have witnessed firsthand what happens when a woman crosses the 40s threshold. I specifically recall an incident while shopping with Valerie at the Aventura Mall. The entire time at the shopping center she lamented that the men must be gay because they were not hollering at her. It became so intolerable that I had to muster all the strength in my body to avoid blurting out “beeoch everybody don’t want you, now can we enjoy our damn shopping.”

At the time, I was focusing on my sore feet and telling her to get her shit and lets go. It never occurred to me that she was going through growing pains and that I was being insensitive. This is a woman who have always received attention from the opposite sex, and to have the attention wane must be heart-wrenching for her.

I never fully understood why she would tell men she was 37 when she was 43. When I casually asked her about it one day, she said "when you turn 43, then come and talk to me." I often wonder why does society force females to tell this little white lie.

The specter of turning 40 years old one day (thankfully not in the near future) never haunted me. I look at all the female celebrities fabulous and over 40 years old, such as Vivica Fox, Halle Berry, Angela Bassett....the list goes on, and I am not afraid. Are these fabulous women over 40 years old only getting attention because of their stardom? What about the ordinary woman over 40?

I never thought in a million years that I would one day welcome comments such as “yo that booty fat mommy.” Is any form of confirmation that you still have “it" better than no confirmation at all?

A time will come where I will need a guy to publicly humiliate me on the streets of Harlem by yelling “can he lick it,” but I guess that time is not now, so I will continue crossing the street.