IS WANTING A MAN TO AFFORD MORE THAN AN APPETIZER BEING A GOLD DIGGER???

Lately, I have come across some really rough waves when navigating the sea of life in terms of dating. Invariably, I come across men who are busted financially or facially, sometimes both. I have always been a sucker for the men gorgeous enough to grace the cover of GQ, but the majority of them that I meet are the equivalent of male gold diggers. Yes ladies, men are tricks as well. Be afraid! Be very afraid!

After having my wallet stolen from a gigolo, I decide to give Mr. Homely a chance. Every lady has met Mr. Homely at some point in her life. He is the fiscally responsible man, but frightfully unattractive, where the prospect of procreating with him makes you seriously second-guess the relationship.

Realizing that Mr. Homely’s personality trumps his appearance, I entertain the idea of a serious relationship; however, our courtship is very short-lived after discovering he is a sexual miscreant.

After having bad luck with both Mr. Bankroll and Mr. Broke, I become discouraged, depressed and despondent, resulting in me temporarily removing myself from the dating scene.

For fear of being lovelorn, I decide to reenter the dating scene, determined to find a man who is gainfully employed and relatively good looking. While attending a rooftop party at a hotel in Manhattan, I meet a seemingly cultured and well-spoken man – Jackpot! We exchange numbers and decide to hang out the upcoming Saturday in the City. Both of us being artsy types, we plan a day of patronizing art establishments.

Saturday arrives and I am excited about meeting my potential prince charming, but my hopes and dreams are immediately dashed when he is donning a T-shirt with "Bugar" emblazoned across the back. I want to ask who are you and what have you done to the refined man I met at the rooftop party?

Changing the earlier plans, I suggest we meet up with my friends who were staying at the W Hotel. After introducing him to my girlfriend and her husband, the four of us decide to have dinner at Ruby Foos, which is moderately priced in my opinion.

While seated in the restaurant, I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. He is studying the menu like it is a Bill from the House of Congress, eyes rapidly darting between the item names and prices. We place our orders with the waiter, and he decides to order just an appetizer with a glass of water. My friends and I decide to order sushi and sashimi along with our entrées, but my date say that he isn’t that hungry and opts out.

Utterly annoyed at his dinner selection, now he is under strict scrutiny by me. The appetizers arrive and I notice he is the first to help himself to the sashimi he opted out of earlier. Now, I am suppressing the urge to smack his hand with my chopstick and say “take your greasy paws off my sashimi.”

Not only do I discover that he is broke on our first date, but I discover that he is blind as well. He repeatedly dips his sushi in an empty bowl, prompting my friends and I to look at each other totally puzzled. With pure disdain in my voice, I ask him “what are you doing?” Apparently, he had mistaken the green plant painted at the base of the bowl for wasabi.

When the bill finally arrives, he immediately snatches up the bill and gives his portion, which amounts to him giving only five percent towards the tip. My friend’s husband seeing me glowering at my date like Sophia did Harpo in the “Color Purple” before she gives him an uppercut, decides to pick up the entire tab.

After experiencing both broke and busted, I think that busted is the better option at the end of the day for me. As a rule of thumb, I do not date men who cannot afford a three-course meal. If this makes me a gold digger, then I graciously accept the title. I refuse to go on another train wreck of a date with the poster boy for pauperism.